


No Ending (you're my heartbeat)

by capstiel



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, Mako Lives, cuddling saves the day, the power of gay love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-18 03:20:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14203920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capstiel/pseuds/capstiel
Summary: Newton’s eyebrows shot up, “could you get my body pillow?”Hermann scoffed fondly, “only if it has a clean pillow case on it.”Newt averted his gaze, “it might.”<>Hermann brings Newt back to himself through a series of knick-knacks and a whole lot of hugs





	1. No Matter What Kind of Darkness Erases You

Newt’s cell was so cold that it felt damp. The cement floor was old and cracked. The room looked as if it had always been meant to hold prisoners, when it reality it had been used as a supply closet for years. 

Jake Pentecost had been in the cell more times than he’d like since Newt was captured. His rock, paper, scissor fights with Nate always resulted in it being his turn to bring in the food, and walk him to the bathroom, and answer to just about everything he asked for. 

Rock, paper, scissors wasn’t a fair game. Especially when Jake was wasting his time in a room with a man being controlled by kaiju Precursors while Mako was holed up in the hospital ward across the building. 

Mako being found alive was a surprise that brought Jake to tears. Deep down he had felt that there was no way she was dead, but maybe he was just in denial.

Jake shut the door to Newt’s cell, he had just listened to the man complain about not being able to see Alice for almost half an hour. Little did he know that Alice had been destroyed as soon as ‘she’ was found.

Hermann Gottlieb was waiting for him in the hallway. He was tapping his fingers against his cane impatiently. Jake sighed, “you can’t go in there.”

“I think there’s a strong probability I can get through to him” Hermann frowned. “Just let me try.”

“What can you do that’s any different than what we’ve been doing already?”

“I know him better than you do,” Hermann argued, “I know what to say to him.”

“You wouldn’t be talking to him, Gottlieb,” Jake crossed his arms over his chest, “the Precursors are the ones talking.”

“Yes the Precursors are talking,” Hermann agreed, “but I’m certain that Newton is listening.”

“Even if he is listening, which we don’t even know is true, we don’t know how to pull him back.” 

“But we can try,” Hermann wasn’t giving in. He hadn’t seen Newton since before the attack and it was painful not to know what was happening to him.

Jake turned his head to make sure no one was coming behind them, “if I let you in you can’t go past the line. No touching. You can’t bring him anything-“

“Of course, I know,” Hermann’s lips had turned up. “And I’ll leave if things get bad.” 

Jake still looked doubtful, but he went ahead to unlock the large metal door. “Be careful doc,” Jake said, and it was clear that he meant it. Hermann had known Jake for years, from the time he was a child to the present. They had never been particularly close, but they shared a mutual respect. 

“Of course,” Hermann nodded, he pulled open the door with the hand that wasn’t holding his cane. 

Newt was staring in his direction. “I know who you are,” he said. But it wasn’t Newt, it was the Precursors controlling his mind. 

Hermann took a deep breath before speaking, “I would hope so.”

“Wish we could have gotten rid of you,” Newt’s eyes were glassy and unblinking. “Really slowed him down.”

Hermann was reluctant to reply. “I slowed him down? He seemed perfectly capable even with me around. And I wasn’t around much.” 

“No, you did,” the thing that looked like Newton ground out, “‘Hermann wouldn’t like this’ and ‘I want to talk to Hermann’. It’s sickening,” the Precursors were switching between miming Newt’s voice and their distorted one.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Hermann said, mainly because he didn’t know what else to. “What is he saying now?”

The Precursors laughed, and it was an awful sound. “You think we’d tell you that easily? We’re not stupid. He’s not allowed to talk to you.”

“Is he allowed to talk to anyone?” Hermann asked, genuinely curious. 

“People that won’t get in the way,” it said, and Hermann assumed that meant no one Newt knew personally.

“He fights back hard sometimes, but we’re stronger. He’s fighting us now, but we won’t let him win.”

Hermann’s stomach clenched. The idea of Newt being trapped in his own mind was awful. “He’s bullheaded, you may be underestimating him.” 

“He says he’s not bullheaded,” the Precursors grinned. 

And that was so Newt that Hermann knew they weren’t lying. 

“It was good seeing you, Newton,” Hermann said, beginning to back out of the room. He knew he wouldn’t get a response from him, but at least he could hear.

“You won’t see him again,” they said as Hermann opened the door, “only us.”

 

Hermann was nothing but relieved that Newt was still in there. He had seemingly no control over himself at the moment though. The Precursors had a strong hold on him, but Hermann was sure that they could be pushed out. 

The question was how. Jake had thrown out the idea that maybe withdrawal from drifting with the kaiju brain would help. It had been almost a month since the brain had been destroyed, and Newt was still being hidden away.

Hermann was stuck on the idea that he had slowed down the Precursors. They hadn’t mentioned anyone else as having the same effect. Hermann didn’t know why he would be special in that regard.

It was true that he’d known Newton for a long time. Longer than Hermann had realized before he started thinking about it. There weren’t many people that he had known as long as Newt, and for Newt it was probably the same. 

Hermann and Newt had had their fair share of arguments. There was always something to fight about. But there were also times of laughter, and excitement after making a breakthrough. Falling asleep in the lab and waking up in the middle of the night to the other draping a blanket over their shoulders. Making each other coffee and knowing how much cream and sugar to put in. 

Newt was his best friend. 

It wasn’t that Hermann hadn’t already realized this, but this time it hit him hard. He cared about Newt with everything he had. If he wasn’t able to save him he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

 

So he went back. 

Newt was angry when Hermann entered his cell the next time. He was talking to himself, rambling about something Hermann couldn’t make out. It wasn’t until Hermann cleared his throat loudly that he looked up. 

“You again. You didn’t bring Alice did you?”

“Alice is gone,” Hermann said, waiting to see the reaction of the Precursors, “we set that godforsaken thing on fire.”

Newt was silent for a moment, his eyes were wide. It was as if a switch had flipped and suddenly Newt was gasping for air, “Hermann get out of here please I-” Newt’s (the real Newt’s) voice was cut off suddenly and replaced with the angry screeching of the Precursors. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow Newton,” Hermann smirked before shutting the door and cutting off the sound of screaming.

 

Hermann spent the time in between visiting Hermann looking for new ways to push out Precursors. 

Asking jaeger pilots how they dealt with ghost drifting was his first step. That’s all the Precursors were really, a terrible case of ghost drifting gone wrong. 

Jake and Nate were as open as they could be on the topic. Nate remarked that the extent of ghost drifting he had experienced had always been in dreams. 

Jake had laughed and said that he was the same, except sometimes he wanted to listen to Nate’s awful taste in music. 

Amara was young, but she wasn’t stupid by any means. The girl always seemed to be one step ahead of everyone else. When Hermann approached her she smiled and told him that Jake had told her he might stop by.

“I’ve never really experienced ghost drifting,” she said when Hermann asked. She paused. “Wait that’s a lie now that I think about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes I have bad dreams, but also sometimes when I’m awake I get lost in thought, but like the thoughts aren’t always mine.”

“You relive your drift partner’s memories?” Hermann pushed, glad he was getting something new out of her.

“Yeah kind of, but also present thoughts too.”

“How do you bring yourself back to reality?”

“I ground myself,” Amara said, “I find something I know is mine and focus on it as hard as I can.”

 

Hermann entered Newt’s cell holding Newt’s favorite hoodie. It was grey and MIT was stitched into the front. It was also stained in multiple spots, and Hermann used to nag him whenever he wore it. Now he would do anything to see him in it, passed out on the couch after working for ten hours straight. 

“Dr. Gottlieb,” the Precursors nodded. Hermann hated to see Newt strapped to a chair. He needed a haircut and his face was thinner than usual. 

“Newton,” Hermann nodded in return, “I brought you something.”

“A present?” Hermann ignored the Precursors as he worked up the courage to walk past the line that Jake had warned him against passing. 

 

“Not for you,” Hermann approached Newt slowly. He was chained down, but that didn’t stop Hermann from worrying.

“It’s cold in here,” he continued, “I figured you might appreciate this,” Hermann was close enough to touch Newt. He held up the sweatshirt for him to see. 

“I can’t even put it on, my hands are tied down,” Hermann wasn’t totally sure who was talking. 

“I’ll let you put it on if you promise to behave.”

“Aw Herms, you know I’m a good boy.” Hermann couldn’t help but smile, this was Newt talking.

 

“On the contrary, you haven’t been very good lately.”

Newt frowned, “it’s not me, it’s them.”

“I know,” Hermann said softly. “I know you can stop them though.”

“I don’t know about that,” Hermann had never heard Newt sound so small. “They’re going to push me back again soon.” 

Hermann reached to place his hand on top of Newt’s, “and I’ll pull you back.”

He worked quickly to unlatch Newt’s hands, scared that the Precursors would take over again while he was uncuffed. Newt was still wearing a black dress shirt and dress slacks, apparently no one thought he was worth wearing clean clothes. 

Newt began unbuttoning his shirt quickly. Hermann couldn’t help but stare at the red marks on his wrists. Newt had thrown his dress shirt on the floor and was reaching for his hoodie before Hermann knew it. The black undershirt Newt was wearing revealed all the tattoos on his arms that made him himself. 

Hermann handed over the hoodie and after Newt pulled it over his head. Hermann felt his heart warm up seeing Newt in something that was so him. 

“Next time bring me some sweatpants too,” Hermann was back to strapping his wrists down.

“Only if you behave.”

Newt smiled, and it was sincere, “thank you, you’re the only one who hasn’t given up on me.” 

“I’m not going to give up on you anytime soon.”

“You should,” and it was the Precursors talking again. Hermann felt sick to hear their voice coming out of Newt’s mouth. 

 

The next time Hermann visited Newt he was holding a pair of Newt’s sweatpants, per request. He was prepared to hear the Precursors’ voice when he entered the room. 

Instead he found Newt staring down towards his lap, sniffling. 

“Newton?” Hermann hurried over to him without thinking.

“I want them gone,” Newt looked up to face Hermann. His face was red and his cheeks were tear-soaked. “I hate this.”

Hermann swallowed thickly. He’d never seen Newt cry before. “You’re going to be okay, I’m going to help you.” 

“I’m trapped in my own head. I can shout and nothing will come out. They made me hurt you. I never want to hurt you.” 

“I know you don’t want to hurt me,” Hermann frowned, “and I don’t want to see you like this. I promise you’re going to beat this.”

“They made me feel like I hated you Hermann. I could never. I missed you so much.” Newt’s sentences we’re coming out choppy. His eyes were still glassed over with tears. 

Hermann ran his thumb over Newt’s cheek, wiping away tears instinctively. “No more crying. Dr. Newton Geiszler would never be caught crying. I brought you sweatpants like you wanted.” 

“Are they the ones that I left gum in the pocket?”

Hermann sighed, “yes, even though I find that repulsive.”

“They’re still my favorite,” Newt smiled softly, and Hermann was never more convinced that he could be saved.


	2. The Space Between Darkness and Light

“You want to _what _?” Nate Lambert was looking at Hermann incredulously. “That could go so wrong.”__

____

____

“He’s making progress,” Hermann was sitting across from Nate and Jake at a conference table that was way too big for three people. 

“We can’t afford to lose you,” Jake said.

“What I’m proposing is hardly dangerous,” Hermann argued. 

“If we give him more freedom the Precursors could take advantage of it.” 

“Newton is a human being,” Herman persisted. “He deserves human rights.” 

“Maybe a bed wouldn’t hurt,” Jake glanced over at Nate. 

“And clean clothes,” Hermann said. 

“The main concern is that he could attack anyone who entered the room if he isn’t chained down,” Nate said, “it’s not personal it’s just in the name of safety.”

“If we have someone stand guard outside there should be no cause for concern.”

Jake and Nate turned to each other and nodded in silent agreement. “We’ll try it, but the moment something goes wrong we’re putting him back in the chair,” Jake was tapping his fingers on the table.

“Thank you,” Hermann nodded in return, “I think this will be good for him.” 

 

They set up an old sofa-bed in Newt’s cell, along with a stack of magazines and a couple books. Newt watched with his head tilted to the side, the Precursors were probably wondering what was going on. 

Hermann was in the room when Nate began to unhook Newt’s arms and legs. It was clear that Newt wasn’t entirely in control at the moment. 

“If you don’t behave you’re going back in the chair,” Nate said firmly, he was working on unhooking the last tie on his leg. 

“I can’t wait to read Entertainment Weekly,” the Precursors said. 

Hermann held back the urge to roll his eyes. 

Nate stepped back from Newt. Newt stood up out of the chair and stretched his arms upwards. “Loving this change in scenery.”

“You can thank Dr. Gottlieb.”

“Thanks Herms,” the Precursors mocked. 

“You’re welcome, Newton,” Hermann said, mainly out of spite.

“Newt’s thinking that he can’t wait to cuddle up on the couch,” the Precursors said.

“I’m sure he can’t,” Hermann replied. “If he behaves I might even bring him a pillow and a blanket.”

Newton’s eyebrows shot up, “could you get my body pillow?”

Hermann scoffed fondly, “only if it has a clean pillow case on it.”

Newt averted his gaze, “it might be.”

“How are you feeling today?” Hermann asked, Nate was still hovering near the door.

“Okay. I was saving my mental energy for you,” Newt smirked, “oh yeah, it’s me by the way. Hi. I wasn’t going to let them tease you when I can do it better.”

“I don’t know why I’m even trying to help you,” Hermann sighed.

“Oh stop it you know you love me,” Newt was giving him a toothy grin.

“Don’t push your luck.”

“Sorry Herms. You know I’m just glad you’re here.”

“I know Newton.” 

Newt threw himself down on the couch. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold them back.”

“That’s okay,” Hermann assured. Nate cleared his throat loudly behind him

“We should get going,” He said, sounding anxious. 

“I’ll be back later, Newton,” Hermann was reluctant to leave. “I’ll bring you your pillow.”

“Okay,” Newt said, and he sounded slightly disappointed. 

Hermann backed up towards the door, avoiding the chance of an attack from behind, even though he doubted it would happen. “Just keep thinking about your pillow, don’t worry about giving in.”

“I will,” Newt began to disappear behind the metal door. 

“You two are close,” Nate commented once the door was locked again.

“We’ve worked together for a long time,” Hermann replied, his mind still on his conversation with Newt.

“You care about him a lot,” Nate continued.

“Of course I do,” Nate was being ridiculous, anyone who knew himself and Newton knew that they cared about each other. On second thought, not everyone. There were so many young people at the PPDC nowadays most of them hadn’t seen each other together before Newt was taken over by Precursors. “He’s my best friend,” Hermann expanded for lack of a better word.

“You’re the only one who’s been able to pull him out so easily,” Nate seemed baffled.

“I can’t tell you why that would be the case,” Hermann shrugged, “in any case it’s obvious he’s doing better.”

“Keep doing whatever you’re doing,” Nate clasped him on the shoulder before beginning to walk in the opposite direction. 

 

Hermann held Newt’s body pillow and a blanket up against his side as he fiddled with the lock to his cell. It had only been around three hours since Hermann had last been inside. 

There was a man Hermann didn’t know standing outside.

Hermann opened the door to find Newt passed out on the couch. He couldn’t be very comfortable considering there wasn’t a pillow to prop his head on. Hermann didn’t want to wake him up.

Newt was generally a heavy sleeper, so when his eyes shot open as soon as Hermann dropped the blanket he was carrying over him he jumped back immediately. 

“You.” Newt sat up in a way that looked inhuman, all stiff like some sort of machine. 

“Hello,” Hermann knew that there was a possibility Newt wouldn’t be himself when he entered the room, but it was hard to face in real life.

“Thanks for the couch,” it sneered, “you’re stupid for coming back.”

“Newton seemed not to mind,” Hermann said, watching Newt carefully. “On the other hand he’s not very fond of you.”

“What he thinks of us is none of our concern.” 

Hermann shifted his weight, debating what to say, if anything. 

Newt was staring up at him with his big blue eyes. Hermann wondered what he was thinking.

“I brought your pillow,” Hermann swallowed thickly, “I don’t know how you sleep with this.”

Newt blinked and reached out and made grabbing motions with his hands. “Shut up, it’s comfy.”

Hermann kept his distance. “Are you in control of yourself right now?”

“Barely, give me my pillow,” Newt furrowed his eyebrows together. “Also come sit by me.”

“I don’t have a death wish, Newton,” Hermann said, but he moved close enough to give Newt his pillow. 

“I’m in serious lack of human contact,” Newt hugged his pillow tight to his chest and rested his chin on top, “please sit next to me?”

Hermann sighed and gave in. If this was his cause of death then so be it. 

As soon as he sat down on the far end of the couch Newt scooted closer. “Are you a cuddler? I’d pay you to spoon me right now,” Newt was pulling the blanket Hermann had given him around his shoulders.

“I’m not going to spoon you anytime soon,” Hermann rolled his eyes. 

Newt leaned up against him anyways. “You’ve always been too stiff for that kind of thing.”

“I’m not stiff,” Hermann frowned, “I just have self-respect.”

“And I am in need of human contact. With them in my head I always feel like I’m in some damp cave or something. Like you know those little caves you can put in aquariums? It’s like I’m stuck in one of those.”

Hermann wasn’t going to argue that, he slung his arm around Newt in the most nonchalant way possible. Which for him was incredibly awkward and left his face burning with embarrassment. Newt curled in immediately. “I hope you’re right,” he said quietly once he had made himself comfortable, “I hope I can get them out of my head.”

“If they were able to get in they most certainly can be pushed out,” Hermann said. Newt had begun running his finger along Hermann’s chest aimlessly. Hermann was trying not to say anything about it.

“Do you have any ideas? Because I should have ideas but it’s like I have a mental block every time I try to think about it. Or maybe I’m just dumb, I’m not dumb am I?” 

“You’re very smart and you know that. They don’t want you to kick them out,” Hermann sighed. He was surprised to find that Newt’s eyes had slid closed. 

“They’re stupid,” Newt said bluntly.

“Yes they are,” Hermann agreed, reaching up to run a hand through Newt’s messy hair. 

Newt hummed and leaned into Hermann’s hand. Newt had always been affectionate, always grabbing people by the hand, or complimenting their appearance. Hermann was rarely on the receiving end, but that might be because they spent so much of their time fighting.

“You’re incredible for lasting this long,” Hermann continued to play with Newt’s hair. “Not many would have the willpower.”

“Well I’m one tough son-of-a-bitch,” Newt said, and Hermann snorted. 

“I’m not sure tough is the right word.”

“Don’t call me bullheaded,” Newt opened his eyes to glare, “I’m just strongly opinionated.”

Hermann didn’t bother mentioning there wasn’t really a difference. “Do you sleep much?” He asked instead.

“No. They don’t need sleep, and when I’m able to fall asleep I have nightmares.” 

“I meant it when I said I still have nightmares.”

“I wanted to tell you I do too, but I couldn’t,” Newt’s voice was soft. “I wanted to tell you so much.”

“You can tell me now,” Hermann watched Newt’s eyes flutter closed again. 

“I’m tired now,” Newt had somehow managed to bury himself even further into Hermann’s chest. “Can I tell you tomorrow?”

“Of course.” Hermann glanced down at his watch, “I can’t stay much longer.”

“Why not?” Newt grumbled. “Can’t you stay here?”

Hermann wouldn’t admit that the warmth of Newt on top of him was comforting, “it’s not a good idea.”

“Screw good ideas,” Newt said, “I haven’t been myself this long in like forever.”

Hermann realized that it had been almost an hour since the last time the Precursors had spoken through Newt. “I can stay a while longer.”

Newt was obviously contempt because he didn’t bother replying. 

Hermann resumed running his hand through Newt’s hair. Allowing himself to close his eyes as well. 

He fell asleep thinking about the way Newt snuggled into him as if it was the most natural thing in the world.


	3. Before the Signal is Cut Off, I Wanna Know Everything

Hermann woke up to find that Newt’s head had slid from his chest down to his lap. It took him a few seconds to realize that he should be panicking. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, and he had no idea how long he had been out for. 

Glancing down at his watch only made it worse, it was nearing 7 in the morning. 

Newt was still out cold from the looks of it. Hermann wasn’t sure how to approach waking him up. The bigger problem was knowing who would wake up, Newt or the Precursors. 

After a few moments of contemplation, Hermann cleared his throat loudly, and when that didn’t cause Newt to stir at all he reached down to place his hand on his shoulder lightly. 

Newt opened his eyes slowly after a few seconds. He rolled over took look up at Hermann. “Herms?” His voice was deeper than usual, “what time is it?”

“Around seven,” 

Newt’s eyes widened. “I haven’t slept this long in a really long time.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Hermann smiled, “I really must be going now, though.” 

“Come back soon,” Newt sat up, leaving Hermann”s thighs cold. “You’re a good pillow.”

“I’m glad that I’m good for something,” Hermann held the arm of the couch as support as he stood up. His hip was starting to ache from the way he had slept. 

“You’re good for a lot of things,” Newt said, and it was sincere. “You should know that, you’ve been in my head.”

Hermann did know that Newt thought highly of him, just as he felt about Newt. “I’ll be back later” he said, heading towards the door. “I’m sure someone will bring you food in between.”

 

Hermann left the room feeling both refreshed and awkward. He passed the guard (who was sitting in a foldable chair, reading a book) without saying anything. There was no way that Jake didn’t know he had spent the night with Newton. 

He didn’t even make it back to his room before he ran into ranger, who looked angry the moment he spotted him. 

“What were you thinking?” He demanded, approaching Hermann quicker.

“That Newton was more human than I’ve seen him in years,” Hermann maintained a flat tone of voice the whole way through. 

“He could have killed you!” Jake exclaimed. “He’s dangerous, you know that.”

Hermann didn’t have any intention of telling the other man that Newt had fallen asleep curled into his side. “He wasn’t a threat at the moment.” 

“You’re lucky he wasn’t.”

“He needs more human contact, that’s obvious,” Hermann pursed his lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jake frowned. 

“Exactly what I said. He’s been alone for a long time. He needs a reminder that he’s human.”

“What did you do last night?” 

“I let him do whatever he wanted,” Hermann was done with the conversation as far as he was concerned. He began to head back to his room again leaving Jake behind him. 

 

He came back that evening. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was fully prepared to confront the Precursors. He knew he was perfectly capable of bringing Newt out.

The Precursors were there to greet him when Hermann opened the door, seemingly angrier than usual. 

“Get out,” they demanded using that distorted voice Hermann hated. “You’re messing everything up.”

“That’s my goal,” Hermann nodded. “I’m not letting you get any further.”

“You can’t stop us,” they were glaring in a way that almost made Newt look scary. Almost.

Hermann took the initiative to sit down on the couch. He pulled Newt’s pillow into his lap. “I’ll let you sleep on me,” he said calmly, hoping that would help.

“I don’t want to sleep on you,” the Precursors said.

“Your loss,” Hermann shrugged. 

“His loss,” they argued.

“Newton is welcome to my lap whenever he’s ready,” Hermann said, trying to ignore how awkward that sounded.

“You’re a tease,” Hermann wasn’t sure who was speaking so he didn’t respond. Newt began to walk towards the couch, Hermann tried not to flinch.

“For a stick you sure are comfy,” Newt said, and Hermann let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“Come on then,” Hermann patted his lap, and Newt smiled in a way that reminded him of a dog. 

Newton jumped onto the couch obnoxiously. “They were really mad after you left,” he said, wrapping his arms around Hermann’s middle. “They were trying to tell me that you really hate me.”

“You know that’s not true,” Hermann hated the idea that he might believe something like that.

“Of course I know that,” Newt said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, maybe because it was.

Newt was radiating heat, which was nice in the sense that he was acting as a human blanket, but was also concerning. Hermann pressed his hand against his forehead and Newt glanced upward at him. “You’re burning up,” Hermann confirmed. 

“I have a fever? I haven’t been sick since, well you know.”

Hermann brushed Newt’s hair away from his forehead, the strands closest to his face were drenched with sweat near the roots. “Fevers are one of the ways the body tries to rid itself of an infection.”

“They’re an infection,” Newt said slowly. “Is my body trying to get rid of them?”

“It makes sense logically,” Hermann nodded.

“The power of cuddling,” Newt snickered, “keep playing with my hair by the way.”

“Demanding much?” Hermann let his hand fall from Newt’s hair and the latter groaned in disappointment.

“I know you like it too, I’m a class-A cuddler, ask anyone.”

“I sincerely hope you haven’t been cuddling just anyone.”

“Spoon me,” Newt demanded, and who was Hermann to say no (even though he did just the day before). 

They shuffled around on the couch awkwardly for a few moments before Newt was pulling Hermann’s arm around his chest, and Hermann was slotting his leg between Newt’s. Hermann wasn’t surprised that they fit together as if they were meant for this. 

“You’re really great Herms,” Newt said, he was playing with the hand that Hermann had slung over him. “I’m really lucky.”

“I’ve never heard you be so nice,” Hermann replied, his head was resting against Newt’s shoulder. 

“Shut up, I’m nice.”

“You can be.”

“Why are you doing so much for me?” Newt asked, and his voice suddenly sounded broken. “I don’t deserve it.”

Hermann took a moment before speaking, “you’re brilliant Newton. You light up the room no matter what’s going on inside. You’ll make anyone feel welcome, no matter the situation.” 

Newt was squeezing Hermann’s hand. “I always thought you were perfect,” he said quietly. “I was jealous of how good you were at everything.” 

Hermann frowned, the sentiment was ridiculous. “I’m in no means perfect. And I’m not good at everything either.”

“But to me you are,” Newt sighed. Hermann felt that they were straying into unfamiliar territory, but then again they were already spooning on the couch. Something Hermann would never had imagined happening. 

Hermann didn’t know what to say. He knew that he cared about Newt deeper than he would like to admit. Instead of replying he threw away what was left of his pride and hugged Newt closer to himself. 

They were quiet for a while, a comfortable silence. Newt was running his his finger along Hermann’s arm, drawing circles. Hermann was so lost in thought that it took him by surprise when he felt Newt drag his hand up to his forehead. “Am I still warm?”

“Not as,” Hermann hummed. He was drowsy from laying down for so long. 

“Okay,” Newt dragged Hermann’s hand down. Hermann couldn’t entirely tell where unless he leaned upwards to check. 

Newt pressed his lips against Hermann’s palm and Hermann almost jumped out of his skin. “I’m going to take a nap,” he declared before Hermann could even begin to think of an adequate response. It must’ve been the fever, he reasoned, Newt would never do something like that without some sort of impairment.

He let Newt fall asleep, it didn’t take long. Hermann let himself relax as well, not worrying about sleeping for too long. He was content knowing that Newt was Newt and as long as he was there he wasn’t worried about the Precursors taking control back.

 

Hermann woke up to find that Newt had rolled over to face him, somehow managing not to fall off the couch. Hermann figured they might as well pull out the bed next time.

Newt’s eyes were still closed, his breathing steady. Hermann pressed the hand that wasn’t trapped underneath him to Newt’s forehead. He was only mildly warm, and that could just be from sleep. 

Newt woke up not too long later. When he opened his eyes he grinned goofily, “hey handsome.”

Hermann glared, “good to know it’s still you.”

“100% myself,” Newt agreed. Hermann watched as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip. “Can I kiss you?”

Hermann was sure he was hearing things. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing was coming out.

Newt seemed to take that as a go-ahead. He smiled softly and leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. Hermann wasn’t planning on pulling back. Newt was his best friend, and he cared about him so much that his heart hurt to think of him in pain. Maybe this had been coming for a long time. 

When their lips finally touched Newt let a long breath out of his nose. He reached up to hold the back of Hermann’s head. 

They kissed for a while. Hermann wasn’t sure how long, but when Newt pulled back he decided it wasn’t long enough. Newt’s cheeks were flushed. “Fuck, kiss me more,” he leaned back in quickly, as if he was running out of time. 

Hermann let Newt swing his leg over his hip and flip their position so that Newt was sitting on top of him.

Newt was leaning down to kiss him again when the door to the room swung open, metal hit the wall loudly. Newt spun around quickly to face the doorway. Hermann who was still underneath him leaned over as far as he could in an attempt to see who had entered the room. There was no way he was getting out of this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the feedback! It makes me so happy to read your comments!   
> Also it says 5 chapters but this fic is turning into a monster so that might be a lie


	4. The More Time Flows the More it Deepens

“Gottlieb! What is going on in here?” Jake Pentecost was undoubtedly furious. Hermann sat up, simultaneously pushing Newt off of him. 

“Get out here now,” Jake’s arms were crossed over his chest. 

“Wait, Jake,” Newt was standing up, “Hermann didn’t do anything wrong. Punish me instead.”

Jake was looking between them incredulously. Hermann figured they were quite a sight, both of their hair messed up and their faces flushed. Not to mention one of them was on-and-off again being controlled by kaiju Precursors. 

“Gottlieb I can’t just let you sleep with the enemy without saying anything, literally and figuratively.” 

Hermann knew that Jake was right. He had been gravely irresponsible the past couple of days. “I have no explanation for you, sir,” he sighed, “I have only done what I thought responsible to help Newton.”

“And then some,” Newt winked and Hermann wanted to punch him.

“Just- just get out of here,” Jake shook his head and Hermann hurried to pick up his cane and follow the ranger out of the room. Leaving Newt behind seemed more than unfair.

“Hermann, you’re putting yourself in danger,” Jake said once the metal door was sealed behind them. 

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Hermann nodded, acknowledging that Jake wasn’t wrong in the slightest. “Newton has remained his sense of self-control for hours on end just by having human presence around.”

“What if it wasn’t even him you were screwing around with in there,” Jake said, “the Precursors could be tricking you.”

“The Precursors may be in his brain but they certainly don’t have any reason to trick anyone. They haven’t shown any initiative to do such a thing.”

“Either way I’m not letting you back in there for now,” Jake was looking away. “If he needs human contact we’ll send someone else in. Mako is recovering nicely I’m sure she would enjoy visiting.”

Hermann’s stomach dropped at the aspect of leaving Newt alone for more than hours at a time. “You have to tell me if anything changes with him.”

“Of course. I’m doing this for your own safety, Doctor.”

Hermann nodded, but he’d much rather still be inside with Newt, and not just because they had been in the middle of a makeout session (and a good makeout session at that).

 

It was three days later when Nate Lambert pounded on Hermann’s door in the middle of the afternoon. 

“You need to get in there and stop him,” Nate was breathing heavily as if he had just been running. “He attacked Amara.”

Hermann’s eyes widened and he was out the door as fast as possible.

The scene outside of Newt’s cell was comparable to the outside of a crime scene. Jake and Mako were coddling Amara and they both looked up as Hermann approached.

“What happened?” Hermann demanded.

“Mako took Amara inside, he seemed fine the last time we went in,” Jake said, “but as soon as we opened the door he lashed out. It was definitely the Precursors. Mako held him back, but Amara’s gonna have a nasty bruise.”

 

Hermann looked towards Amara and felt sick to see the outline of fingerprints on her neck. “I’m going in. Don’t come in.”

“Are you sure?” Nate had floated over to Jake’s side, “we don’t need you getting hurt.”

“He won’t hurt me,” Hermann promised.

“He won’t hurt him,” Amara repeated, looking towards Hermann, “he loves him.”

“Okay Mrs. Fairytale-Romance,” Nate said, but Hermann smiled.

“Do I have permission to go in there?” Hermann asked, heading towards the door, ready to face Newt in whatever state he was in. 

“Be cautious,” Jake said. “If something goes wrong we’ll be right outside.”

Hermann opened the door and slipped inside, closing the door behind himself as if he were trying to keep a dog inside. 

Newt was standing in the middle of the room, staring directly at Hermann. His eyes were red and his skin was pale. “Here to get revenge for the little girl?” He drawled, voice distorted. 

“You know me too well,” Hermann clicked his tongue, “I didn’t think you wanted to get tied up again, but with that behavior we don’t have much of a choice.”

“No matter how many times you tie us down you won’t be able to contain us,” the Precursors were walking towards Hermann slowly. “We should’ve gotten rid of you a long time ago.”

Hermann held his ground. “Newton, I know you don’t want to do this.”

“He doesn’t know what he wants!” The Precursors exclaimed, throwing Newt’s arms in the air.

If Hermann knew one thing it was that so far human contact had been the only thing able to snap Newt out of it. He also knew that Newt had been all too eager to be on top of him earlier that week. So it was only logical to grab Newt by the arm as soon as he was close enough and smash their mouths together messily.

It was all teeth and tongue, and while Hermann would admit he didn’t look the type to be able to keep up with that sort of thing, he had no problem pushing Newt back towards the couch while keeping his mouth occupied just the same.

Newt fell back onto the couch, his eyes opened wide. “Hermann. Fuck Hermann,” he was panting, and probably not just from kissing, “I know we need to talk but _god _please get over here.”__

__Newt was right, they did need to talk about what happened with Amara. There was plenty of time for that, though. He leaned over, pressing both of his hands up against the back of the couch for support as he went back to kissing Newt._ _

__This time there was less teeth. Newt reached up to cup Hermann’s face in his hands._ _

__It wasn’t long before Newt started growing impatient. He was pulling Hermann down by the front of his shirt. Hermann obliged, climbing on top of Newt who had laid down on his back._ _

__They kept kissing. After a couple minutes Newt pressed his hips upwards to meet Hermann’s. Hermann could feel that Newt was hard through his sweatpants and let out a moan against the other man’s lips._ _

__Newt replied by continuing to thrust up against Hermann’s thigh. Hermann moved to pull Newt’s legs around his waist. Newt moaned obscenely. “Hermann, fuck take your pants off.”_ _

__Hermann pressed a hard kiss to Newt’s cheekbone and reached down to slide Newt’s pants down around his hips. His erection was straining hard against his boxers._ _

__Hermann pressed the palm of his hand against Newt and he groaned. “Hermann please.”_ _

__Hermann wasn’t in the mood for being patient either. He leaned down to kiss Newt again and used one hand to unbutton his pants. Newt reached up to grab him as soon as he moved his hand away._ _

__Hermann began to trail kisses down Newt’s neck and was irritated when the hood of Newt’s sweatshirt got in the way. Newt must’ve been able to tell because he began working at pulling it over his head._ _

__They worked together quickly, and within moments Newt was using one hand to hold both of their cocks, creating friction that was so good Hermann didn’t know if he would last more than a couple pitiful minutes. He wasn’t even close to being a teenager anymore and he refused to act like one._ _

__“I’m going to fuck you,” Hermann had leaned close to Newt’s ear and Newt shivered._ _

__“Hurry up,” he moaned._ _

__Hermann didn’t need to be told twice. He pressed two of his fingers to Newt’s mouth and he took the initiative to run his tongue around them, sucking on them until Hermann grew impatient and pulled them free, getting to work towards opening Newt up, anxious to push himself inside._ _

__Newt was touching himself, watching Hermann with his lips parted slightly. Just the view was enough for Hermann’s dick to twitch against his leg._ _

__“Come on babe, please,” Newt had been spouting nonsense the whole time, but hearing pet names coming out of his mouth was what pushed Hermann to finally line up his cock and press into Newt, quicker than he probably should of._ _

__They picked up a pace, Hermann resting his weight against his elbows, which were on either side of Newt’s head. They were kissing on and off, Newt was loud, whining every couple of seconds._ _

__Hermann was pumping Newt’s cock in time with the rhythm he was thrusting into him._ _

__Newt came first, moaning loudly and reaching up to kiss Hermann desperately. Hermann pulled out and followed suit, coming all over Newt’s chest without even touching himself._ _

__They were quiet for a few moments, both of them taking time to catch their breath._ _

__“You’re so fucking hot,” Newt sighed._ _

__Hermann was working on pulling his clothes back on. “I could say the same for you.”_ _

__“I can’t believe your first instinct was to fuck the Precursors out of me.”_ _

__Hermann felt his face heat up, “that’s not- I was-” he was interrupted by Newt pulling him down to kiss him._ _

__“There’s people outside aren’t there?” Newt asked, as if he hadn’t thought of it before. “How thick do you think that door is?”_ _

__Hermann sighed, “probably not thick enough. You’re so loud.”_ _

__“Sorry,” Newt said in an entirely unapologetic tone._ _

__“Put on your clothes,” Hermann tossed Newt’s t-shirt at him. “You need to apologize to Amara.”_ _

__“I couldn’t fight back,” Newt sounded crestfallen, “it was the first time that happened since I saw you.”_ _

__“I understand that,” Hermann said, “but they’re scared of you, and rightfully so. You need to prove to them that you’re human before they chain you up again._ _

__Newt stood up, pulling his pants up, “I’ll go out there right now.”_ _

__Hermann stood up as well, his cane was on the floor back towards the door where he dropped it earlier. “Don’t you dare make any crude jokes out there.”_ _

__“I pinky swear I won’t,” Newt grabbed onto Hermann’s arm, well aware that his hip was probably sore and not having a cane didn’t help. Hermann felt a wave of affection hit him._ _

__It didn’t last long, as soon as they reached the door Hermann felt his stomach clench._ _

__Newt took the initiative to pull it open, seeing that Hermann was anxious about it._ _

__Jake and Nate were still outside, leaning against the wall across from the door, talking quietly. Amara was sitting on the ground looking down at her phone._ _

__Jake was the first to speak up, “Gottlieb explain.”_ _

__Newt replied instead, “I want to apologize.’ His hand was hovering over Hermann’s lower back. “I lost control of myself and couldn’t stop myself from hurting you Amara,” he was glancing down at her, “it won’t happen again, I feel awful.”_ _

__Amara stood up so that Newt wasn’t looking down on her. “I know you weren’t in control,” she said, her voice was strong, clearly not afraid of Newt._ _

__“You’re dangerous,” Jake said, obviously not feeling the same._ _

__“The Precursors are dangerous,” Newt said, and Hermann grabbed his arm to warn him not to fight._ _

__“Unfortunately they’re inside of you,” Nate said, “that makes you dangerous as well.”_ _

__“Right now there’s no reason to worry about him hurting anyone,” Hermann glanced towards Newt. “I have him under control.”_ _

__Newt laughed._ _

__“I really don’t want to know what you were doing in there,” Jake sighed, “but if it’s keeping the Precursors back I can’t complain.”_ _

__“Hermann’s good at pushing them back,” Newt said and Hermann groaned._ _

__Amara was giggling. “He must be considering how loud you were.”_ _

__“Amara!” Jake exclaimed incredulously. Newt was laughing though, he reached over to give her a high-five. Hermann wished he could leave._ _

__“Alright that’s enough,” Nate rolled his eyes. “I’m going to be honest, I don’t know what to do with you.”_ _

__“Can I stay with Hermann?” Newt asked. The prospect of leaving his cell was appealing._ _

__“I’m certain he would behave himself,” Hermann nodded. “For some reason he always has more control of himself when I’m with him.”_ _

__“Because I’m scared of what I’ll do to you if I’m not.”_ _

__Hermann smiled softly. “Yes, yes very romantic,” Jake pursed his lips, “If we let him out, you’re responsible for him Gottlieb.”_ _

__“I’ll take that responsibility,” Hermann nodded, and Newt smiled widely beside him._ _

__“You two are cute,” Amara said, and she was holding her phone up, hopefully not taking a picture._ _


	5. Don't Leave me, I Believe

Newt settled into Hermann’s room, which was messier than Hermann would like. 

“Can we just cuddle for a while?” Newt asked, sitting down on Hermann’s unmade bed.

“Unfortunately I can’t stay in bed with you all day,” Hermann said, picking up a thick manilla folder. “I don’t get paid for that.”

“Well then can I come to the lab with you?” Newt had perked up. “I won’t touch anything, I just want to watch.” 

“I have to bring you anyways. I’m your babysitter.”

Newton bounced off the bed and up into Hermann’s personal space. Hermann still wasn’t used to being in such close proximity to the other man. Not that he minded, but Newt when he was full of energy was hard to handle. 

“Now that you can come to the lab I can run some tests on you.” 

“What are we talking? Brain scans? Blood work?” 

“All of the above and then some,” Hermann ushered Newt out of his room. “And you’re going to sit still and be quiet.”

“Wow you’re so sweet,” Newt was skipping ahead of him. “I never thought I would miss walking.”

“I wouldn’t call that walking,” Hermann rolled his eyes. 

“Whatever you party-pooper. I can’t wait to see what you’ve been working on lately. Also I hope you have some recent journal articles to read.”

Newt was talking 100 miles per hour, but Hermann didn’t mind. It was part of Newt’s personality, and he enjoyed it immensely. 

They made it to the lab and Newt fell into a spinning desk chair, something that Hermann should’ve seen coming.

Hermann ignored the sound of wheels on the tile floor as he began to work. After years of working with Newton he was almost immune to his childish antics. 

“I want to conduct a brain scan, first and foremost,” Hermann was standing up, plugging in a series of devices. “I’m not going to put you in the MRI yet.”

“It looks like one of those old-timey hair dryers they used to have in salons,” Newt was running his finger along the outside of the latest advancement in brain scans. It had been primarily used for monitoring jaeger pilots, but it would work just as well on Newt. 

“Just sit down.”

“Jeez, okay grumpy.”

Hermann didn’t bother replying, he was more concerned that Newton was sitting down under the machine. Once he was settled, Hermann headed over to him and allowed himself to place his hand on Newt’s shoulder as he secured the head gear in place. “This is going to take a few minutes, try to keep still.”

“Got it boss.”

Hermann started up the machine and went back to reading the article on deep-sea plankton he wanted to show Newton. 

A few minutes passed and the brain scan beeped. Hermann unhooked Newt and Newt got up heading towards the computer. “I want to see.”

They looked at the image of Newt’s brain together. “It’s not as bad as I expected,” Hermann admitted. 

“It looks awful,” Newt shook his head. 

“It’s inflamed in areas that are treatable with antibiotics.”

Newt leaned up against Hermann’s arm. “It’s going to take a lot of drugs to fix that.”

“And I’ll be right here the whole time,” Hermann assured. 

“Thanks Herms,” Newt ran his hand through his hair, “you’re my favorite person.”

Hermann was taken aback by the sentiment coming out of nowhere. “You’re my favorite person also,” the words came out oddly, but Newt didn’t seem to mind.

“What were you reading?” Newt pulled away from Hermann’s side to lean over the desk. 

“It’s a study on how the breach affected deep sea life.”

Newt snatched up the paper. “I haven’t learned anything in so long. I’m horny for knowledge.”

Hermann grimaced. “Please refrain from being so vulgar.” 

“Sorry Herms, but it’s true. At least I said I was horny for knowledge not-”

“That’s enough.” Newt may be possessed by Precursors but he was still definitely himself. Hermann was glad he was still in such a good mood, apparently he wasn’t experiencing any guilt for what he’d done yet. 

It was bound to happen eventually, Newton was the kind of person that held so much compassion he would be miserable just thinking about harming someone. Hermann wasn’t about to cut his happiness short.

Newt had been sucked into the article Hermann had given him for almost ten minutes when Jake entered the lab. “How’s it going in here?”

“Have you heard about this?” Newt held up the piece of paper he was reading off of, “the rate of mutation in these plankton is incredible! It’s almost like in that episode of Star Trek where-”

“I took a brain scan,” Hermann interrupted, knowing full well that Jake wouldn’t appreciate Newt’s rambling. “His condition is looking very treatable.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jake nodded. “I’m not gonna pretend I understand any of this science-y stuff. I really just wanted to make sure you weren’t having any problems.”

“The only problem here is his attitude,” Newt pointed his thumb towards Hermann.

“If by attitude you mean professionalism,” Hermann shot a glare in Newt’s direction.

“Looks like you’re doing just fine,” Jake laughed, “call me if you need anything.”

“You’re still alarmingly unprofessional,” Hermann said as Jake walked away. “You’re lucky everyone’s walking on tiptoes around you.”

“Hermann, I know I’m annoying, I’m just trying not to think about how fucked up my head is,” Newt was sitting down, looking up at Hermann dejectedly. 

“Newton,” Hermann sighed, “nothing that’s happened has been your fault.”

“Except it has,” Newt said, and Hermann had been right about Newt pushing blame on himself. “I was drifting with a kaiju brain like an addict!”

Hermann couldn’t deny that. “We don’t know how much of that was you and how much was the Precursors. They’ve been inside of you since the first time.”

“I should’ve been able to stop it though,” Newt was audibly frustrated. Physically he looked more tired than anything.

Hermann, who was never very good at expressing affection, gave in and leaned over to kiss Newt on the forehead. Newt was still sitting down but that didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around Hermann’s waist. 

“You’re in control of yourself Newton,” Hermann said, and Newt nodded into his side.

“They’re still in my head Hermann. They’re still in the back of my mind telling me to do things I don’t want to.”

“You’re on the winning side now,” Hermann let his hand rest in Newt’s hair. “Come on now, I know you were enjoying that article.”

“It was really fascinating,” Newt agreed, but not nearly as enthusiastically as before. 

“I have a lot more for you to read,” Hermann promised. 

“Will you kiss me instead?” Newt was glancing up at Hermann. 

“You really are a needy thing aren’t you?” Hermann asked, but he was already on his way down to making their lips meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I have a lot more on the way! Once more, thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback!!


	6. It's Not a Coincidence

“Two in the morning and two at night. Also one of these per day,” Newt’s hands were being filled with pill bottles. 

“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a drug addict.”

“Newton! Sorry about him.”

The pharmacist looked thoroughly unimpressed as she handed Hermann the receipt.

A week had passed and Newt was still Newt. He was still feeling the presence of the Precursors in his mind though. Antibiotics were the next, most logical step to recovery. 

Newt was still staying in Hermann’s room. They shared the same bed at night (which was a squeeze, but totally worth it according to Newton). Newt was much more affectionate than Hermann was used to, but he didn’t mind too much, it made the bickering much more tolerable.

Newt liked to sleep in while Hermann went down to the lab early. He wandered downstairs in pajama pants and Hermann scolded him every time.

They were still themselves. 

A few days after the pharmacy, Newt was sitting on the floor in the lab, paper strewn in front of him. “Herms, do you know where my book on the theory of outer space went?”

“The one about alien sightings at Area 51? I haven’t seen it recently.”

Newt groaned, “there’s this one part about substitutes for oxygen that I want to reread.”

“You’re smart enough without that, that book was over-the-top.”

“Maybe a little, but it would help me right now.” Newt had buried himself in research (or more the lack thereof) of kaiju lungs. 

“You ought to take a break,” Hermann had been working for almost 7 hours which meant Newt had too. “Did you take your medicine this morning?”

“Yeah, I had it with coffee, remember?”

Hermann hummed in agreement. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but does it feel like they’re fading away at all?”

“It’s like they’re radio static,” Newt said, “they come in and out. When I’m trying to fall asleep it’s the worst.”

“Newton, I told you to tell me if you were having trouble sleeping.”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Newt shrugged. 

 

The next day, Hermann was setting up for another day of work in the lab when Newt wandered in. 

Hermann immediately knew something was wrong.

“Newton? I thought you would sleep for a while longer.”

Newt was stalking forward, uncharacteristically stiff. “It’s over, Doctor.”

Hermann hadn't heard that voice in a long time. “Newton, calm down, you’re okay, you can handle this.”

Newt barked out a laugh, “it’s time for you to go, Herms.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Hermann had been sitting down at his desk but he stood up, putting himself at the same level as Newt (or actually a few inches higher, but that was irrelevant at the moment). 

“You think you’re so smart. Brain scans won’t show us. We’re smarter than that.”

Newt was approaching him quickly, and Hermann wasn’t sure if he should back up or just wait til he made it over, assuming he wouldn’t start attacking right away.

“Newt, come on, you’re strong enough to snap out of it.”

Newt was grinning maniacally. “You’re just asking to be strangled,” and he lunged forward and jumped at Hermann. His hands narrowly missing Hermann’s throat as Hermann moved out of the way.

“Newton!” Hermann was trying not to let his voice shake, “I know you’re listening to me! You can beat this!”

Newt’s eyes were darting back and forth, his breathing heavy. It looked as if he was fighting against himself. He jumped back towards Hermann, his right hand gripping the front of his neck. It wasn’t a tight grip, though. Not enough to hurt. Newt was looking Hermann right in the eye and biting his bottom lip. If he wasn’t being controlled by the Precursors Hermann would assume he was about to lunge in to kiss him. It was all too familiar. 

“Hermann,” Newt gasped, “I can’t help it.”

“Yes you can,” Hermann was reaching up to place his hand on top of Newt’s, gently prying it from his throat. “I know you can. You’ve done it before.”

“It’s worse than before,” Newt’s eyes were tearing up. “It’s way worse.”

“Calm down,” Hermann pulled Newt into himself, wrapping his arms around his back. 

Newt pushed himself back, “no I’m afraid I’m gonna hurt you,” his forehead was visibly sweating, and his face was flush. 

“It’s the antibiotics,” the connection hit Hermann, “they’re not making you better they’re making you worse.”

Newt stared at him as if he didn’t understand.

“I need you to drink a lot of water,” Hermann said, “and sit down. Quick.”

Newt collapsed into a desk chair, he seemed more in control of himself, but Hermann had a feeling he wasn’t at 100%. 

In the midst of filling up the largest glass he could find with water, Hermann’s mind was running a million miles an hour. Numbers were worth a lot to the scientific community, but they had no answer for what was going on in Newt’s head. 

He was halfway over to where Newt was sitting when Hermann realized he had never asked Mako how she coped with ghost drifting. She had still been in the hospital ward when Hermann had asked everyone else.

Hermann held the backs of Newt’s hands while he held the glass of water in fear of him dropping it. “I have an idea, but I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re stable.”

“My head hurts really bad,” Newt said, letting Hermann take the glass of water from him. “It feels like there’s pressure coming from the back. Like they’re trying to push forward.”

Hermann didn’t like the sound of that. “I’m wondering if Ms.Mori may have some input about how she dealt with ghost-drifting with Raleigh.”

“Don’t they live together now?” Newt asked, he was letting his eyes stay closed longer than usual in between blinking. 

“I believe so. I think I’ll call her down to the lab, I don’t want you walking right now.”

Newt harrumphed in reply. Hermann headed towards the nearest computer to email Mako, hoping she would reply quickly. 

“Do you think they’ll ever go away?” Newt asked from behind Hermann’s back. “Do you think I’ll be like this for the rest of my life?”

“Of course they’ll go away,” Hermann said as confidently as possible, “you’ve already made substantial progress.”

“You know that movie with the dinosaurs,” Newt said, Hermann waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t.

“Jurassic Park?”

“No not that, they were cartoons.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The Land Before Time,” Newt’s words were slurring together, and Hermann was afraid he was on the verge of losing control of himself again. 

“Calm down, just be quiet Newton,” Hermann clapped his hand on Newt’s shoulder before sitting down. His foot was tapping anxiously, waiting for Mako to arrive.

“I’m calm,” Newt muttered, his head tilted towards his lap. 

Mako arrived after way too much time. She was in full uniform, probably coming from some sort of meeting. 

“General Mori!” Hermann stood up quickly. “I need to ask you some questions- if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine,” Mako was glancing towards Newt wearily, “is he alright?”

“He’ll be fine,” Hermann was talking quickly, “I’d like to ask you about any experiences you’ve had with ghost-drifting, and anything you’ve done to lessen it.”

Mako crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you comparing drifting with a human with drifting with a kaiju brain?”

“Unfortunately there aren’t many other options right now,” Hermann sighed, “No matter what’s being drifted with what the same parts of the brain are affected.”

Mako hesitated, “Raleigh and I both experienced reliving each others worst memories. We found that one of the only things that helped was coming off from drifting slowly. After the war ended we tried to stop drifting all together and it messed with us. We went back to drifting once every couple of days to less and less.”

“Like weaning off a medication,” Hermann looked towards Newt who was still looking down at his lap as if he were afraid to look anywhere else. “He hasn’t drifted since whenever his last time with Alice was. I have an idea though. We need someone who he’s drift compatible with.”

Mako was giving him a strange look, “Dr. Gottlieb, we both already know someone who’s drift compatible with Newt.”

Hermann sighed because he knew she was right. “I need to drift with him.”

**Author's Note:**

> the title (and chapter name) are lyrics from Don't Leave Me by BTS


End file.
